Sex from the female gaze. Writing erotic literature for women

Jun 5 / Leona Nieta

Eroticism and sex have long been defined through the male gaze, shaping societal perceptions of what is considered sexy and desirable. This perspective, pervasive in literature, art, and media, has historically placed men as the central figures of desire, while women are often depicted as passive objects of that desire. As we explore the intricate dynamics of eroticism, it is crucial to understand how the male gaze has influenced these narratives and how shifting the focus to a feminine perspective can redefine what it means to be erotic.

The male gaze in erotic literature (& everywhere)

The concept of the male gaze, introduced by feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey, describes the way visual arts and literature depict women from a masculine, heterosexual perspective. This usually manifests in descriptions of women designed to appeal to male fantasies. Women are portrayed in ways that emphasize their physical attributes and sexual availability, reinforcing a power dynamic where men are active pursuers and women are passive recipients. In others words: in porn, erotica and life in general everything is done for men's satisfaction.
As right now, our sexual equity that we enjoyed for a long time until a few thousand years ago, is totally disbalanced to the point women are seen (and expected) as male pleasers. The world tries to make us think that our existance gravitates around men, to please them.
What a lack of respect!
These dynamics extends beyond physical descriptions to the portrayal of sexual encounters.
Traditional erotic narratives frequently depict sex as something done to women rather than an activity in which they are active participants. The language used often focuses on male pleasure and conquest, reducing women's experiences to mere reactions to male actions.

Redifining eroticism: A femenine perception ( one as great as mine)

Shifting the narrative to a feminine perspective involves more than simply reversing roles; it requires a fundamental change in how desire and eroticism are conceptualized.
I guess I'm not alone here when in the search of something uplifting in porn, I very soon decide to watch lesbians videos so my pleasure doesn't get distracted. However, and although I haven't had sex with a woman (yet), it's so obvious that's just not how women have sex with each other.
That's just resounding proof of how shortsighted the male gaze is to see the female aspects. That's precisely my point.
If it's easy for a woman to see that lesbian porn is not how women have sex, imagine how far female pleasure can go once we start experiencing it from that perspective.
From the female gaze, women are not just objects of desire but active agents who lead and choose their sexual experiences to where the imagination takes them. This shift can create a richer, more nuanced portrayal of eroticism that resonates more deeply with women's real-life experiences and fantasies.
In my exploration of writing erotic literature, I give women power, making them the leaders and choosers of their sexual encounters. This inversion of traditional roles allows for the creation of stories where women’s desires are central, and their pleasure is the focus. I'm trying to provide a space where female sexuality is celebrated and explored on its own terms.

My muse

I had the main outline and stories of the book written, I just had to put them together but the most femenine erotic novel was almost finished when I got this revelation where even what we think it's been written through the female gaze it hasn't. So I'm on my own looking for this greater change to my story, imagining this place, that is like the head quaters of this story when I see a man, an older man who embodies experience and wisdom. He talks to a woman, whispers in her ear and is capable of evoking strong orgasms with minimal touch and whispered words. Every time I imagine him with a different woman, I can see he touches each one of them with his words much more than with his body
This symbolizes a departure from typical erotic tropes. Instead of exerting dominance, he represents a figure who understands and respects female desire. His ability to bring women to orgasm quickly is not about his power over them but about his deep understanding of their needs and pleasures.
As I keep exploring this story, one day I explore this muse in an altered state of mind:
Today the woman is me and I get to hear his words clearly for the first time. His words resonated deeply with me, revealing a simple yet profound truth: what genuinely turns women on is not the aggressive pursuit often depicted in traditional erotica but a nuanced, attentive approach that honors our desires and autonomy. 

Speaking Truth: erotical truth?

Of course, I’m not going to tell you exactly what he said, you’ll have to wait for me to write it but I know that it will arouse every woman presented with this universal message while preservation of her uniqueness is the key to this level of pleasure.
The reason it’s taken me so much time to hear this wise man’s words is because these words haven’t been said for thousands of years. Even what women say spontaneously during sex has been modified, maybe even to a cellular level, to satisfy the man.
This revelation was transformative.
It underscored the importance of creating erotic narratives that prioritize female pleasure and respect women's agency. By shifting the focus from male to female perspectives, I aim to craft stories that offer a more authentic and empowering vision of sexuality, its duality and all the different combinations with more perspective.. Women in my stories are not objects of desire but subjects with their own desires, fantasies, and power. I approach men in my stories with the view of the wisdom of someone who has done his work. These men really understand women’s power, they’ve got it clear, as in the rest of the animal kingdom, that it is for them to court and just for the woman to choose if they’re efforts are successful.

Writing from this perspective is both liberating and challenging. It requires unlearning deeply ingrained notions of sexuality and reimagining eroticism in a way that truly reflects women's experiences and fantasies. It is an ongoing journey of exploration and discovery, one that seeks to dismantle the limitations imposed by the male gaze and celebrate the richness of female sexuality.

In conclusion, redefining eroticism through a feminine lens is not just a narrative choice; it is a revolutionary act. It challenges the status quo, offering a new paradigm that values women's pleasure, autonomy, and agency. As I continue to write, I remain committed to this vision, striving to create erotic literature that resonates deeply with my sisters and honors the wholeness complexity and beauty of our sexual experiences.
Would you like to read this book? For that I need time to write it. Please, have a look at my website and see which of our courses you’d like to enrol yourself in.
I appreciate your help
I am writing this book.
It keeps revealing itself to me.
I am writing this book.
I'm so proud 

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